Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
