My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
