Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize