My Higher Power is John Stamos
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
