I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
