four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
