she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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