Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
