I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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