Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
