never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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