if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
