Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
