Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
