yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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