i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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