I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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