I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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