And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
