Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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