i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
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her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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