im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
