Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
