I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
