You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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