Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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