I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
