Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
