Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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