2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
