I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
