This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
