The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
