We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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