I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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