Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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