they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
