Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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