can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
