I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
