Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
