two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
