i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
