I'm so fucking centered right now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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