We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
