one two three fourrrrnication!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
