It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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