I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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