she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
