youre lurking in front of me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
