Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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