You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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