mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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