i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
