she woke up with a sticky ear
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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