This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
