I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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