is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
