my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
