i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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