My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
