Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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