I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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