just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
