i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
