My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
