Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
