Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
