I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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