the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
