I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
