road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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