If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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