god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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