if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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