YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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