Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
