____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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