Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His nipple licking is glorious
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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